


All the Faults You've Left Behind

by FarenMaddox



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle, xxxHoLic
Genre: Multi, Threesome - M/M/M, i accidentally a sad and there's sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-20
Updated: 2012-10-20
Packaged: 2017-11-19 00:15:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/566893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FarenMaddox/pseuds/FarenMaddox
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nobody's sure if it this is Fai's idea or Kurogane's.  Either way, they're out to prove to Watanuki why it was such a bad idea to underestimate Doumeki.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All the Faults You've Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know how KuroFaiMeki went from crack!OT3 to a legitimate thing I do, but here it is. Please listen to "Aqueous Transmission" by Incubus on repeat until the sex is over, because that's what I did. Then please listen to "The Cave" by Mumford & Sons at least once, because it's great and because I got the title from it and because it's officially Doumeki's song for this story.

Kurogane had noticed it, but Fai was the one who couldn’t let it go.

Blue eyes cast troubled, side-long glances at their quiet companion all night.  He only spoke when spoken to and when he did he sounded assured and comfortable.  But Kurogane and Fai both saw something else.

Syaoran and Watanuki were deeply engrossed in each other, and Kurogane figured out he was supposed to find that endearing from the way Fai smiled at them.  It was the Mommy smile.  And really, when you thought about it (something Kurogane tried never to do unless he _already_ had a headache and didn’t mind it getting worse) wasn’t Watanuki one of the kids, since he was Syaoran’s replacement?  ( _Tsubasa_ , his brain supplied helpfully, to which he replied _shut up he calls himself Syaoran so fuck it_ and thereby avoided another migraine-inducing attempt to sort out the mess.)  So maybe it was sweet or something, the way they bent their heads together over a book and tried to work something out, because they were sort of brothers.

It was in the way Doumeki watched them.  It was in his eyes.

The two of them laughed and chattered and were far more fond of one another than they had any right to be.  And there was this sort of sorrow that crept into Doumeki’s eyes when he looked at them.  He looked at Watanuki like he’d never seen him before and like he’d never see him again.  He looked _glad_ , but it was a fragile thing.  And Kurogane knew that Fai was watching and concerned because he was thinking of what might make Doumeki so afraid to be happy.

The two weird little girls helped Watanuki take the dishes from their meal into the kitchen, and Doumeki got up silently and went to sit on the porch and look out into the yard.  Syaoran seemed troubled, glancing back and forth between the hallway down which Watanuki had disappeared and the silhouette of Doumeki in the moonlight.

“I think it’s unusual for Watanuki to be happy,” Fai said, leaning against Kurogane for a moment and giving Syaoran the signal with a sweep of his eyes and a casual hand on Kurogane’s arm.  Occasionally, they needed to be the two of them, whatever that was, and they’d slowly started figuring out these quiet ways to say _Syaoran you’re great and we love you but go away for a minute_.  The younger man (or was he older? Fuck this, seriously) got up and went to help out in the kitchen.  Fai glanced down at the two Mokona, but they were cuddled up fast asleep in utter bliss.  It was . . . Nope, absolutely not, Kurogane didn’t have soft fluffy words in his vocabulary to finish that thought.

“He’s probably worried about what’s gonna happen to him when we leave,” Kurogane replied, sliding his arm around Fai as the other man leaned comfortably into his side.  As Fai mellowed out and figured himself out, he did less of that stupid draping and poking and grabbing, and more of this.  Just this simple physical contact, just this _being together_ stuff.  Kurogane minded this far less.

“They’re both stuck here in the shop,” Fai said, his voice soft and heavy.  “I don’t think either of them is very happy.”

“They’ve got each other,” Kurogane said dismissively.  He didn’t have any inclination to get involved in anyone’s domestic affairs.  His own was hard enough to deal with.

“You know they don’t,” Fai said, his voice full of rebuke.

Yeah.  Fai knew that Kurogane of all people knew how to see the distance between them.  They didn’t revolve around one another like lovers, they circled like fighters in a ring.  Doumeki, for all his placid silence, had caught the sharp side of Watanuki’s tongue more than once tonight, and the fear behind Watanuki’s lashing out was painfully obvious, even if it was impossible to guess the cause of it.  They were oddly frightened of one another.  It was like domestic abuse but the bruises only showed in the eyes.

Kurogane’s senses told him he was being watched, and his first thought was that Doumeki could hear them.  But the other man was still sitting alone on the porch bathing himself in soft white light.  He glanced down and found the little black creature awake and listening to them.

Fai saw him, too.

“Are we keeping you awake?” he asked with a little smile.

Mokona was obviously troubled, shifting restlessly until their own Mokona murmured sleepily.  He buffeted himself against his companion until she subsided.

“Doumeki takes good care of us,” he said soberly.

“I can tell,” Fai smiled.  “You two seem like good friends.”

Mokona’s voice was trembling.  “Doumeki loves Watanuki very much.”

The other half of that statement was glaringly obvious.  “But Watanuki doesn’t,” Kurogane sighed, dropping his head into his free hand and willing this situation to go away by itself.  He punched things and cut them up with his sword for his friends.  He did not solve their troubled romances.  Not his division.

“Doumeki doesn’t say anything when Watanuki hurts his feelings,” Mokona whispered sadly.  “That happens a lot.”

Mokona had showed them tonight that he adored Watanuki.  The loyalty to Yuuko had become loyalty to her young successor, and really the kid had plenty of wonderful qualities to explain why his friends cared about him.  Kurogane did not exactly grasp why Doumeki would be so in love with the guy that all his major life decisions revolved around remaining at his side, but that was almost ludicrously not his business.  For Mokona to be saying this about his friend, and to _them_ , had to mean the situation was getting bad.

“I don’t like lonely people,” Fai whispered, his voice hissing out so passionately that it seemed like anger.  He was glaring at Doumeki, as if it were his fault that Watanuki didn’t reciprocate.

Kurogane knew better.  Fai meant he didn’t like looking at lonely people and being reminded of his life up till now.  It clenched up something in Kurogane’s gut when he thought too long about this.  About Fai being older than him, about having experienced so much pain and fear and longing across so many years, and about how, laughably, Kurogane was somehow supposed to be the solution for that.  There was no possible way for Kurogane to be _enough_ for all of that.  So he just didn’t think about it and did his best and kept hoping it was working.

Fai was turning his face into Kurogane’s shoulder, another one of those quiet little signals he was learning to interpret.  Kurogane turned a little and pulled Fai into a fuller embrace, letting Fai sigh against him.  After a moment, he began to play distractedly with the hair slipping out of its tail at the base of Fai’s neck.  His hair was ridiculous.  It never stayed put.

“Can’t you do something?” Fai muttered spitefully.  “You’re good at this.”

Kurogane barked out a disbelieving laugh.  “What do you want me to do?  Turn him into a vampire?  Have sex with him?  Invite him out for a battle with monsters?”

“Yeah,” Fai sighed gustily.  “Something like that.”

Kurogane froze.  Fai almost sounded serious, just there.

“You don’t actually . . .?”

“I don’t know,” Fai sighed again.

Kurogane was saved from a response by the chattering and pattering in the hallway that signaled the return of the group from the kitchen.  They slowed at the sight of the two Mokonas huddled up to sleep and Fai in Kurogane’s arms.  But Fai just stood up and stretched, smiling at them.

“I’m an old man,” he said cheerfully.  “I can’t stay up all night with the kids anymore, I need my beauty sleep.”

Kurogane snorted.

“Oh, of course!” Watanuki said.  “I was going to set up futons in the spare room just down the hall, so I’ll go ahead and do that now.  Come on, I’ll show you where it is,” he said, setting down the tray he carried with a new bottle of liquor and a set of cups.  “Maru, Moro, help me get all the bedding.”

Fai didn’t even say anything to Syaoran, simply hooked his fingers into his elbow and pulled him along to follow.  Syaoran cast a quick glance at Kurogane, who remained sitting down, and frowned at Fai.  Fai winked, and Syaoran rolled his eyes and went along with it.

Kurogane waited until they were gone before he picked up the tray and carried it out the porch.  He sat down and set the tray between them.  He poured out two cups of sake and handed one to Doumeki, who took it in silence.  They both drank for a few minutes.

This was weird.  They both knew far more about each other than they were really supposed to.  It was far more than they would have ever told each other if they’d had the choice to make.  But they’d shared this story and journey in a lot of ways, and the details had kind of bled through.  But maybe that was a good thing.  They could skip all that time that would normally be spent getting to know someone.  They could shoot straight for the heart of the matter.  Whatever it was.

Kurogane didn’t exactly know what he was meant to do out here, but it was actually pretty nice to be around somebody who didn’t feel the need to talk all the time.  He was getting used to the idea of communication being necessary to be in a relationship, but there were times he missed his old way of rarely having anything to say unless he was yelling at someone who’d pissed him off.  Back when he was in training and becoming a young ninja, he’d go for an entire day or two without saying anything beyond the necessary greetings and goodbyes to his instructors and employers.

That was when he’d been too angry and lost to have friends that he wanted to talk to.

Well.

“Nice night,” he muttered, feeling stupid.  What the hell did Fai want him to do?  What did he want to do, here?  He hated not knowing what he was aiming for.

Doumeki drained his cup.  “It’s good that you guys are here,” he said.

“Is it?”

Silence.

“He’ll be pretty down after we leave, right?”

Doumeki poured another cup for both of them.

“He doesn’t talk to you, does he?  He just deals with it on his own.”

Now Doumeki finally looked at him, and it was a look of anger.  For being right, or just for meddling?

“Only fair, isn’t it,” Kurogane pointed out.  “You do the same thing.”

“He doesn’t exactly . . .  care.  How I feel.”

“Well, at least you admit it,” Kurogane said recklessly, taking a long drink.  This was really good stuff.  Doumeki did all the shopping, right?  He had good taste.

Doumeki had sharp, sharp eyes.  The heavy eyelids were nothing but a disguise.  “Did you two decide I’d feel better if you pissed me off enough to fight you or something?”

Ah, he’d known they were talking about him.  Well, he was hardly an idiot.  Kurogane just stared at him challengingly.  Was he the type to feel better after a fight?  That would be excellent.  Kurogane could totally handle that.

“I’m not that stupid,” Doumeki said after a long moment of just glaring at each other.  “You’d destroy me.”

Fai was a skinny bastard, but he was really tall.  Kurogane spent so much time around Fai that he’d started finding it easy to forget just how big he really was and instead just think that Syaoran was ridiculously tiny.  Well, Syaoran _was_ tiny, but Kurogane looked at Doumeki and realized this guy was about as big as a typical Japanese guy got in this world, and Kurogane was _huge_ compared to him.  It would be far from a fair fight.

“I’m an archer,” Doumeki added.  “I do my fighting from a distance.”

Kurogane snorted at that.  “Your enemies aren’t always going to respect that, you know.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m not here long enough to train you or anything, but I could at least teach you a few moves,” Kurogane offered.  “You’re getting old to be a student, but it’s better than nothing.”

Doumeki was quiet for a minute, but then he shook his head.

The guy wasn’t a fighter at all, whatever he said about archery.  He was a peace-lover.  He liked quiet and order and reading and weird stuff.  Maybe it was the training from the temple and his grandfather, but he just didn’t have a warrior’s soul.  All that he did to defend Watanuki, all that fierceness he showed, it was an expression of how deeply he loved, not an indication that he enjoyed it.

Kurogane shook his head.  “You just don’t look like the type,” he muttered.  “You look totally shady.  How are you the type of guy who loves someone that purely?”

Doumeki’s expression never changed, but his eyes went ragged and torn.

“He’s never going to—”

“Stop talking,” Doumeki said too strongly, voice ringing in the silence.

Kurogane took a drink.

“What do you want.”  He looked like he was yanking the question out of his chest.

Kurogane shrugged.  “How long have you been with him?” he asked.

Doumeki’s face was looking up at the stars, but who knew what he was really seeing?  “A few years.”

“And he’s never . . .?”

“No.”

Years of this. Years of watching and waiting and pining, of throwing himself into danger, of blood and pain and terror.  Years of fighting without even being able to see his opponent, and no hope of reward.  Years of doing this simply because his love was so strong it didn’t need reciprocation.

Years, and he’d never been touched.  Never been loved.

Kurogane wouldn’t have even thought of it, except now he had it and now he knew what Doumeki didn’t have.  They both fought and they both loved, both of them had this man that was worth every effort to them, but only Kurogane knew what it was like to have that pain noticed and cradled in long, slim hands and cherished.  Doumeki had no idea.  And never would, most likely.

There was a point at which you realized that the person in front of you was too broken to be fixed.  There was a point at which you suddenly stopped trying to fix it.  And all that desperation disappeared and was replaced by a strange fondness for the brokenness of your companion.  You stopped wanting to put the pieces back into place and just found an odd love for and sense of beauty in the shards.  You got these urges to just touch the sharp edges and admire them.

Kurogane’s hand cupped the back of Doumeki’s head and he pressed their foreheads together, hard enough to hurt.

“Sorry,” he apologized, not sure what for.  “I can’t really help you.”

He was not Watanuki, and his acknowledgement of Doumeki’s pain wouldn’t mean anything the way Watanuki’s would.  But he had Fai’s blessing to do what he could.

“Maybe not,” Doumeki said, but it sounded kind of like a question.  His breath smelled overpoweringly like sake.

It only took the smallest movement to bring their lips together.

It was strange, Kurogane thought, even as he tilted his head to find a better angle.  He wasn’t attracted to this guy, not really.  He hadn’t looked at him while they were being introduced and thought, _oh hey I’d like to tap that_ or anything.  So he honestly had no idea why he was kissing him and why it wasn’t even weird to be doing so.  It didn’t feel wrong at all.  Permission from Fai or no, it was still technically cheating, wasn’t it?  And Kurogane didn’t have any overwhelming desire for him.  But he was kissing him all the same, and he could already feel a strange inevitability that said they weren’t going to stop here.

Kurogane let his hand fall away from Doumeki’s head and drew back a little, looking at him and trying to get a reaction.  Doumeki just sat there, seeming calm.  No protest, no plea to stop, no plea for more, nothing.  Just those torn-up eyes and a quiet willingness to do whatever Kurogane said.

It was seriously weird and dangerous to be that passive.  Kurogane somehow needed to address this lack of concern for his own well-being as well as acknowledge his hurts.

Doumeki suddenly drew in a sharp breath and his hands, braced on his knees, clutched fistfuls of his trousers.

Or maybe he was just too scared to do anything.

Kurogane took a moment to push the tray with the half-empty bottle and the extra glasses back, toward the wall of the house, and that put him behind Doumeki.  He knelt down behind him, snaked one arm around to hold Doumeki against his body and used his other hand to grab Doumeki’s chin and turn his face up.  He kissed him again, taking time to explore how this would go.  Doumeki kept mostly still, just letting Kurogane move however he liked.

Because Doumeki hadn’t done this before, Kurogane realized.  He was following his lead.

Kurogane’s lips left the other man’s mouth and moved to his jaw, planting slow kisses in a line from his chin back to his ear and started in a trail down his neck.  Doumeki let out a shuddering sigh and one of his hands loosed itself from his knee to grab at the hand Kurogane had cupped around his face.  Kurogane allowed Doumeki to weave their fingers together.  Doumeki was turning around, their hands clutched to his chest, rising up on his knees to match Kurogane’s height and grant him better access to Doumeki’s neck as he planted kisses along it.

Doumeki had come here wearing a buttoned-up shirt and a tie.  He’d loosened the tie, but he was still wearing it, and Kurogane couldn’t really get any further without undressing him.  He didn’t want to do that yet.  Doumeki might stop him if he made it obvious where he planned to go.  He wanted Doumeki to do more than passively be kissed.  He wanted his participation, here.

So he got his hands free and put them on Doumeki’s shoulders as he went back to kissing his mouth.  He let his lips get more hungry, pulling Doumeki in and sucking, and feeling pleased by the way Doumeki seemed to come more alive as he went on.  He started to very slowly lean back.  Doumeki’s mind probably had no idea what it wanted, but his body would resent losing contact, so as Kurogane’s hands on his shoulders moved,  Doumeki would move with them.

The taste of sake was so strong in both of their mouths that Kurogane wondered if they were going to make each other drunk off it.  He slipped his tongue into the other man’s mouth.  Doumeki tried to match his efforts, clumsy at first, but then a sense of enthusiasm for the process seemed to finally take over.  Doumeki took over the kissing with curiosity and urgency.

Kurogane leaned back onto his elbows, his hands falling away to rest against the wooden porch.  Doumeki’s hands planted themselves on the porch, too, leaning over Kurogane now.  He let himself fall back and back, until he was laying down and Doumeki was over him, on hands and knees, straddling him, his tongue plunging deep and his lips tugging so insistently on Kurogane’s that the blood rush was starting to hurt.

Kurogane carefully turned his head a little, inviting Doumeki to forget his lips and explore the rest of him.  He felt awkward about it.  His body, lips and all the rest, was Fai’s.  He knew he technically belonged to no one, but he’d given himself to Fai willingly.  Giving himself to Doumeki now didn’t feel quite right.  But he waited for Doumeki to explore him, because he wanted to do this and because Fai had asked him to.  But Doumeki didn’t seem to understand.  He lifted his head and looked confused.  He started to get up.  He must think Kurogane wanted to stop.  Maybe he sensed Kurogane’s hesitation.

Well, if Doumeki didn’t know how to take a cue or was picking up on the wrong ones, then letting him take over wasn’t going to work.  Kurogane was in charge of this whether he wanted to be or not.  He grabbed Doumeki’s tie and held him in place.  He made quick work of the loosened knot and slid the tie off, tossing it carelessly in the direction of the serving tray.

Doumeki hesitated, and then his hands went to the buttons on his shirt, meaning to undo them.  Kurogane knocked his hands away with a growl.  Fuck, he really was a novice, wasn’t he?  Who undressed themselves when someone else was clearly trying to do it?

As Kurogane undid the top button, he was startled by a sudden wish that Fai hadn’t gone to bed.  This would be so much easier if Fai was here, too.

_What?_

His mind stuttered on that thought, even as his eyes were watching the bob of Doumeki’s Adam’s apple while he started in on the second button.

_Why not?_

Fai was the one who said they should do something for Doumeki, right?  Kurogane didn’t know what the hell he was doing out here.  He always felt better about rushing headlong into the unknown when Fai was at his side.  And if Fai was here, if he was watching, his permission would be a lot more obvious and Kurogane would feel better about it.

_Maybe he’ll do more than watch_

Kurogane hadn’t been particularly into this up till this point.  It had just been kissing.  He’d planned to cradle his body around Doumeki’s pain and try to cherish it since he couldn’t fix it, and it wasn’t like he was worried about his ability to get it up, but he hadn’t been feeling particularly urgent or lustful about it.

Well, _now_ he was.

Kurogane’s hands came to rest, still in the middle of slipping a button through its hole on Doumeki’s shirt.  He pushed Doumeki backward and sat up.

“Yeah, it’s fine,” Doumeki muttered, his own hands flying up to button his shirt back up.  “Thanks anyway.”

“You’re a damned idiot,” Kurogane muttered, getting to his feet and dragging Doumeki up with little effort.  “Come on, I’m not doing this on the fucking porch.”  He leaned down and snagged the bottle of sake as he pulled Doumeki along by one arm back into the house.  He doubted Fai was actually asleep, but if he was there would need to be a gift as recompense for waking him.

“Uh . . . I have a room here,” Doumeki suggested.  “It’s—”

“Shut up,” Kurogane said, dragging him in the direction of the spare room that Watanuki had mentioned.  He had the feeling that Fai had been smart enough to suggest that Syaoran might want to not be sleeping in the same room as them tonight.  They used subtle signals when necessary but other times Fai just came right out and said he planned to fuck and Syaoran might want to be elsewhere.

And really, the two of them had been making out right there on the damned porch.  Kurogane might have been too preoccupied to notice, but presumably Watanuki, Syaoran, and those two creepy little girls had gotten an eyeful when they came back out to the main room.  He did not spare his attention to wonder how he and Doumeki hadn’t gotten interrupted with shocked onlookers.  He was too busy rehearsing what he was about to say to Fai.

He got as far as _“This is your fault, mage,”_ before they got to the door of the room and he decided to hell with it and just went in.

Fai was in there with a reading lamp on, simply kneeling on the futon and quietly playing with some kind of magical device Watanuki had given him permission to study.  He looked up when the door opened and seemed utterly unsurprised by the fact that Doumeki was manhandled into the room ahead of Kurogane.

“I was about to go to sleep after all,” he murmured, giving Kurogane one of his clever, catty smiles.  His hair was loose across his shoulders and he wasn’t wearing much.

“You think you’re so smart,” Kurogane muttered, and thrust the bottle of sake forward.  Fai took it, and took hold of Kurogane’s hand too, dragging him down for a kiss.

“That’s because I am,” he grinned against Kurogane’s mouth.  “Am I watching or helping?”

Doumeki had crossed his arms over his chest and backed toward a wall, glaring at both of them.  He was really, really not okay with this anymore.  Out there with the sake and the moonlight, just the two of them, he’d been sort of swept up by Kurogane, but now his head was clearing up.  It was evident from his posture and his eyes that he was about to call this whole thing off.

Fai stood up, looking lazy and unconcerned.  He took a long pull directly from the sake bottle, and let out a little gasp of satisfaction.  His tongue crept out to capture a trickle at the corner of his mouth.  He walked to Doumeki and pressed the bottle into Doumeki’s hands, using nothing but his eyes to ask him to take a drink.

Reluctantly, Doumeki did, but his eyes were still wary, even caught as they were on the corner of Fai’s lips.  Fai smiled as though Doumeki had pleased him, as though that was the goal, and then he leaned forward and licked the stray moisture on Doumeki’s lips before the other man could do it himself.  Doumeki pressed himself against the wall as though trying to get away, and Fai followed him, leaning forward to nibble playfully at his lips.  They were much more evenly matched in height, Fai still being taller but not obstructively so.  Kurogane knelt down on the futon and just watched, because damn.

Doumeki’s hands were twitching at his sides.  He looked desperate to make this stop.  His eyes looked over Fai’s shoulder and looked at Kurogane.  He looked worried.

Kurogane had never done this before.  It wasn’t exactly normal for them to take a third person into their bed.  So he couldn’t blame Doumeki for thinking this was strange and for thinking one of the two men was bound to get upset by this.

So Kurogane got to his feet, took the bottle and set it by the window.  He moved Fai aside just long enough to slide himself between Doumeki and the wall.  He leaned against it, instead, and pulled Doumeki into him.  He met Fai’s eyes in an invitation for Fai to carry on with it.  Fai went back to work, nibbling tenderly at Doumeki’s lips and one of his ears, while Kurogane’s hands went back to work on Doumeki’s buttons.  Fai’s hands slid up Kurogane’s arms, and he shuddered.  The idea that all three of them were going to do this, bathed in the soft lamplight and trying to keep quiet here in someone else’s home . . . He really could not help the way he suddenly pressed Doumeki against his body and moved his hips in a slow, promising grind.

Fai let go of Kurogane’s arms.  He reached up and slipped the now-unbuttoned shirt from Doumeki’s shoulders, which were rather impressive for a scholar.  Archery.  Right.  Kurogane bent his head and placed his mouth on the hollow where clavicle and shoulder met, sucking at it.  Doumeki let out a breathless gasp and tossed his head back.  His hands, which had been clutched at his sides as if in protest of all this, suddenly reached up and grabbed hold of Fai’s flimsy yukata.

So Kurogane moved his mouth along Doumeki’s neck and shoulder, and Doumeki pulled Fai flush against him and the two of them kissed like their lives depended on it.  Fai had one hand on Doumeki’s bare chest and the other mindlessly tousling and twisting Kurogane’s hair.  They stayed like that for a while, with Kurogane’s hands sliding across Doumeki’s belly and Doumeki’s hands sliding under Fai’s clothes to touch his skin and Fai’s hands just _everywhere_ , then Fai made an urgent noise that Kurogane recognized from a thousand other nights that said _done making out need sex now_.

He lifted his head.  He insistently pulled the other two away from one another.  Doumeki was silent and dazed while Fai was whining in protest.  He all but carried their new bed partner over to the futons and noticed that Fai had pushed them all together, probably as soon as Watanuki had left the room.  He thought he was so _smart_.  He pushed Doumeki down, a little too hard.  The other man thumped down bonelessly, barely managing to sit instead of just fall.

Fai was the one who immediately joined him on the bedding, kneeling down into Doumeki’s lap and kissing him, massaging his hands in Doumeki’s hair.  Doumeki had no choice but to wrap his arms behind Fai’s back and try to hold onto him to keep from being devoured.  Kurogane couldn’t decide if he wanted to be behind Doumeki holding him up or behind Fai holding him back.  So he used his moment of indecision to just watch Doumeki kissing his way down Fai’s throat and Fai throwing his head back.  He slipped his hand into the waistband of his pants and touched himself and shuddered pleasantly.

He decided that since this was about Doumeki, he’d better take up a position behind him.  He crawled over the bedding toward them.  Fai saw him and smiled and drew away, allowing Kurogane to pull Doumeki into his lap.  He took back up the task of suckling at his shoulder again, since it seemed to make him so breathless and helpless, running his hands over Doumeki’s arms to keep him from interfering while Fai went to work divesting Doumeki of his belt and his pants.  Slowly.  The tease.

Doumeki was laying dazedly pliable in Kurogane’s embrace and panting for air by the time Fai had taken his underwear.  He didn’t seem like he’d be of any use in getting Fai out of _his_ clothes.  But Fai had pressed himself close again, pulling Doumeki’s hand up and placing it on his loose sleeve.  Doumeki responded, sliding the whole garment off Fai’s shoulders.  Fai got up just enough to let it fall off, and there he was.  Of course he wasn’t wearing underwear.  Of _course_ not.

Kurogane’s hands slid over Doumeki’s chest possessively as he watched Fai crawl forward, head hanging low.  His own breath was caught in his throat as he saw what Fai was about to do.  He shuddered along with Doumeki when Fai’s lips parted.  When Fai’s mouth slurped Doumeki up, Doumeki threw his head back and Kurogane pressed his mouth over the other man’s and swallowed up his hoarse cry of pleasure.

Kurogane had spread his legs wide to be out of the way, his knees jutting up and framing the whole thing, and he felt Fai’s hand brush down his leg as if for reassurance.  His hands were on Doumeki’s chest, and he began idly toying at Doumeki’s nipples as he breathlessly watched Fai suck.  Doumeki let his head fall forward and gasped for air, a straining whine constant in his throat as he fought a need to cry out.  His own hands were clutching at Kurogane’s shins to brace himself.  He was thrusting his hips too much, Kurogane noticed.  He joined his hands with Fai’s on Doumeki’s thighs to hold him still, stroking over his slender fingers.

Doumeki went impossibly still and tense, his broad shoulders tight with tension where they pressed into Kurogane’s even wider chest.  Then the keening noise suddenly resolved itself into a desperate sob of pure abandonment and he released.  Fai didn’t move away, swallowing it all.  Probably, Kurogane thought with whatever amusement he could find past the lust filling his brain, he was thinking about not leaving a mess on the bed.

Doumeki lay limp in his embrace once he was spent.  There was a fine tremble in his limbs.  His eyes were closed.  Fai gently nudged his chin up and got his eyes open and whatever he saw there made him smile with accomplishment.  He took Doumeki from Kurogane, who allowed it, laying him down gently on the bedding and stroking a hand through his hair.

“There, now,” he whispered with pride. “Our turn, wouldn’t you say, Kuro-sama?” he said over his shoulder.  It had been a while since anyone had spoken and it sounded shockingly loud.  Kurogane growled his assent and waited for Fai to turn and start freeing him from his clothes.  He helped, but not much, since his hands kept reaching around to brush over the small of Fai’s back.  Doumeki, still all but spent with pleasure, raised himself up and made an effort at helping.  He at least managed to pull Kurogane’s shirt off his shoulders, even if Fai was left to do most of it.

“What do you want?” Kurogane murmured as he bent his head to meet Fai’s lips.

“Turn around,” Fai said with a smile made of sin and promises.  He ran his hands over Kurogane’s bare ass and ground their groins together.  Kurogane muttered thickly, his attempt to consent getting lost somewhere between his thoughts and his voice.

“Tell me we’ve got some kind of lube.  A condom would be good.  Do we still have condoms?”

Fai grinned.  “There’s a drugstore right around the corner,” he answered.  “I went earlier today.  I stocked up.”  He looked at Doumeki and nodded at the folded-up clothes he’d left in a corner of the room.  “There’s a bag from the drugstore in there,” he instructed.

Doumeki found it while Kurogane was preoccupied with kissing Fai.  He handed the bag over and then scooted back as if to get out of the way.  Kurogane grabbed hold of him and drew him close again while Fai was dumping the bag onto the floor and rifling through his purchases, which also apparently included shampoo and chocolate.  Kurogane caught sight of the lube as Fai snatched it up.

“Flavoured?” he asked flatly.

“I love modern worlds,” Fai said happily, lifting the condom up and tearing open the packaging with his teeth, since his other hand was playing keep-away with the lube so Kurogane couldn’t grab it.

“It’s fucking cherry.  I hate fucking cherry.”

“There was also kiwi . . . Or bacon.”

Kurogane decided to kiss Doumeki some more instead of dignifying that with a response.  Doumeki was completely taken aback by the fact that he was still supposed to be involved, but Kurogane had decided that if Doumeki got one of Fai’s amazing blowjobs and Fai got Kurogane’s allegedly amazing ass, that meant Kurogane was at least getting a decent hand job out of this.  That, and he didn’t want Doumeki to get left out of any of this.  He needed to know they wanted him here.

He rose up on his knees and spread his legs a little wider.  He clenched his hands into Doumeki’s shoulders for support while Fai was rubbing a cherry-flavored finger around his entrance, dropping light kisses along his spine and slowly pushing his finger inside.  Nothing to that, but Kurogane was too tense to appreciate the second finger.  Fai sighed and skimmed his other hand over the plane of Kurogane’s stomach, leaning himself against Kurogane’s back and murmuring in his ear.

“Relax, Kuro-sama.”

Kurogane just grunted at him in response, because he couldn’t exactly just relax on command.

Fai looked over his shoulder at Doumeki.  “Help me out here,” he said with a smile.

Doumeki seemed uncertain about what he was meant to do, but he nodded and tipped his head back to kiss him.  His hands were tentative, stroking at Kurogane’s sides and over his hips in small, careful movements.  After a moment he seemed to realize that straining up to meet Kurogane’s mouth was unnecessary, and he moved down to a more comfortable angle and flicked his tongue tentatively into the hollow of Kurogane’s throat.

That was new, something Fai had never done.

That was _good_.

Kurogane’s hands slipped down Doumeki’s shoulders and he lost his balance, nearly falling onto him. Doumeki gracefully turned it into a new pose, laying himself out and leaning back on his elbows, making Kurogane fall forward and brace his hands on the bed to either side of him.  He was underneath Kurogane now, and twisted his head to lick cautiously at one of Kurogane’s nipples.  The light, wet flick made him shiver, and Fai murmured some kind of happy encouragement behind him.  Fai had three fingers in now, which he hadn’t noticed in between Doumeki’s tongue and Fai’s own regimen of kisses along Kurogane’s back.  Apparently he was relaxing after all.

Thus encouraged, Doumeki carefully licked and sucked at both his nipples, until Kurogane was wild with his inability to move and do anything with his own hands or mouth.  He tossed his head and moaned, feeling that this was rather unfair of them.  The moan seemed to encourage Doumeki yet further, and he bit down—not too hard, but hard enough to sting.  Kurogane let out a shuddering breath that wanted to be a shout.  Fai's fingers stretched wider inside him and he whimpered helplessly.

Doumeki drew up one of his knees to help him keep his balance so he could reach out and run his hand slowly over Kurogane’s erection, looking up at him carefully as if to make sure he had permission.  Kurogane took the opportunity of Doumeki’s raised face to duck his head down and kiss him fiercely.  He just needed to do _something_.  He bit down on Doumeki’s lip, which made Doumeki gasp and bite back.  Too hard.  He tasted a copper tang on his tongue.

“Shit,” he breathed.

Fai’s vampire nature had not disappeared, but it had gone latent and become unnecessary after he’d gotten his eye back.  He rarely felt it, or so he said.  He didn’t get cravings for blood and had no need for it, certainly.  But they had quickly come to realize that if there was blood, the vampire perked up.  Caught the scent, as it were.  Once Kurogane had accidentally sliced his palm open while helping with dinner, and Fai had begged for a taste.  He’d borne an eerie resemblance to a cat, laying indolently in Kurogane’s lap and tidily licking up the trickle of blood from his hand for a good fifteen minutes before he’d regretfully cleaned the wound and bandaged it up.

Fai still wasn’t always happy about the whole vampire thing, and he didn’t like being caught unawares.  They had an understanding that it would always be talked about and agreed on ahead of time if they wanted to use blood in the bedroom.

Fai went still, his cheek hot against Kurogane’s back.

Doumeki’s eyes were wide.  He seemed to realize Kurogane wasn’t upset just because it had hurt a bit.

“Mmmm,” Fai moaned softly.  “That smells good.”

Doumeki was still calm, but his eyes were fast on Kurogane’s, silently asking what to do.

“I don’t want to do that tonight, though,” Fai sighed gustily.  “Doumeki, clean that up, would you?”  His voice was even and quiet.  Kurogane relaxed.  He was fine.

Doumeki lifted his hand and started to dab at the slowly welling blood, but Kurogane just bent his head down again and encouraged Doumeki to kiss it away.  The scent would be somewhat lost when it was covered by the other man, then it wouldn’t be distracting for Fai.

“I think you’re ready, Kuro-sama,” Fai murmured, nuzzling his face against Kurogane’s back.  “Okay?”

He grunted his assent, unable to do any more than that since Doumeki had now recovered from his error and gone back to work on stroking Kurogane’s cock.  One of the condoms and a tube of lube suddenly tumbled over Kurogane’s shoulder.

“You might want those,” Fai murmured.  He was slick with it already, sliding himself inside Kurogane and grabbing his hips to hold him steady.

Doumeki squirted a bit of the lube into his palm while Kurogane took care of the condom.  He paused to sniff at it, then he touched his tongue to it and made a moue of disdain.  “Cherry, my ass,” he muttered.  Then he rubbed his hands together to coat them and began his job again with more earnestness.  Kurogane had one hand beside Doumeki and the other planted on the ground just between his legs, resting his head on Doumeki’s shoulder.  Doumeki was starting to rock back and forth, just a little, moving with them and also starting to match the strokes of his hand to the timing of Fai’s thrusts.

Kurogane started to get overwhelmed by everything he was feeling.  The slick slide of Fai inside him, familiar and exhilarating.  Doumeki’s uncertain hand kindling a deep heat.  His head was starting to spin with heat and pleasure.  The weight of his own body wavered in and out of his senses.  He turned his face into Doumeki’s bare skin and rubbed his cheek there in an effort to ground himself.  Fai wasn’t ready yet so he had to hold back.  If he could.  He hadn’t anticipated how damn good this would feel.  Wasn’t it supposed to be them making Doumeki feel this great?

He couldn’t hold out for Fai.  He couldn’t.  He was so _close_.  If Doumeki would stop acting like Kurogane’s cock was a precious heirloom and just move _harder_ and _faster_ —

He clamped his teeth into the meat of Doumeki’s shoulder.  The other man cried out sharply in surprise, but it was a sound of lust, not pain.  One hand came up and tangled itself tightly in Kurogane’s hair.  He scraped his fingernails across Kurogane’s scalp and his own hips jerked upward as Kurogane bit down on him.

The sound drove Fai into a faster pace and he was making tiny, gasping grunts.  He braced one hand on Kurogane’s back and bit down on his other hand to keep himself quiet.  Kurogane hovered there as long as he could, holding his breath and riding the silver-knife edge between pain and pleasure, and then he unclenched his mouth and let go of Doumeki’s shoulder because he was throwing his head back and pushing his hips back into Fai and he was _gone_ , straining into Doumeki’s palm as he released, and Fai was stuttering to a halt and gasping brokenly and he, too, was over the edge and spilling heat inside Kurogane—Doumeki was gasping with them, his eyes wide with new knowledge, rubbing himself against Kurogane’s arm between his legs and clutching Kurogane’s head to his shoulder with desperation—

Fai fell forward, boneless and happy, leaning on Kurogane’s back.  Kurogane was too drained to support the weight and collapsed forward, finding himself sprawled half on the bed and half in Doumeki’s lap.  One of Doumeki’s hands was still tracing lightly through Kurogane’s hair, and he reached out with the other to run his hand through Fai’s hair the same way.

“Oh. My. God,” Fai breathed out softly.  “Do you have any idea what it’s like to _watch_ the two of you?”

Doumeki seemed embarrassed by that, turning his face down and keeping quiet, curling a lock of Fai’s hair around his finger.

Kurogane laughed, because he wasn’t sure what to feel but amusement right now.  He was completely dumbfounded at the way his night had ended up, and completely lost as to what he was supposed to feel.  Fai certainly seemed content with all of this, but wasn’t the idiot well-practiced at pretending everything was fine until Kurogane dug out the truth?  Then again, he was the one who’d undressed himself and gotten the bed ready, like he’d been planning this.  What the hell were they doing, really?

They all three stayed there for some time, peacefully bathed in the soft glow of the lamp, listening to the sound of night bugs chirping outside the window, until Fai’s legs started to cramp from kneeling over Kurogane.  He slithered backward and cast his eyes back and forth.

“Wastebasket?” he asked hopefully.

Doumeki slowly nudged Kurogane off him.  “I’ll get one.”

He threw on Fai’s yukata, the easiest piece of clothing to deal with right now, and slipped out into the hall.  Kurogane rolled over and looked at Fai.

“The fuck are we doing?”

Fai looked rather sorrowfully at the closed door.  “I don’t know.”

“Not bad, though.”

“No.”  He smiled a little, and looked back down at Kurogane.  “Not at all.”  He leaned over to kiss him. Kurogane brushed Fai’s hair out of the way and ran a hand slowly down his ribs.  Fai had teased him about being all touchy-feely after sex for a while, but he’d quit doing it when he realized Kurogane was more apt to be that way when Fai wasn’t pissing him off.

Doumeki cleared his throat, having slipped back into the room unnoticed.  “Here.”  His eyes were looking out the window, not at them.  He set a wastebasket and a box of tissues beside them.  He slipped out of Fai’s robe without any visible sense of embarrassment, but he went directly to his own clothes and gathered them into a bundle.  He went to the door and turned around.  Opened his mouth to say something, then shook his head and seemed to change his mind.  He opened the door again to leave.

Fai had darted over to him in the space of a slow blink.  He tugged him by the arm and pulled him back into the room, shutting the door firmly.  He pulled the bundle of clothing out of his grip and tossed it vaguely in the direction of the rest of the discarded clothing.  He nudged Doumeki back over to the bed.

“You’re not going anywhere,” he said blithely.

Kurogane had no idea why Doumeki wasn’t allowed to leave now.  Fuck, did Fai want to _talk_ about this?

Fai and Kurogane cleaned themselves up, discarding the condoms and tissues in the basket. Fai pulled Doumeki’s hands into his lap and wiped up traces of the lube for him, pausing to place a light kiss on the palm of his hand.  It was a silent thanks for being here with them.  Kurogane wondered if Fai just wanted Doumeki to linger a few minutes to make sure he knew they weren’t ashamed of it.

Kurogane lay down and stretched out on the bed, yawning.  There would be time enough to talk about this in the morning, if talk needed to happen.  Doumeki started to get up again, but Fai was having none of it, pushing him to lie down beside Kurogane.  Kurogane shifted over to make room, still surprised by Fai but playing along.  Fai lay down on Doumeki’s other side, facing his questioning eyes and casually sliding his arm over him.  Kurogane usually had Fai clinging to his back like a barnacle when they slept, but it looked like he was playing the big spoon for both of these two tonight.  He tossed his leg over Doumeki’s, finding Fai’s foot and kicking at him a bit to let him know he wasn’t thrilled about Fai making all the decisions all the sudden.

“What . . .?” That was all the question Doumeki seemed able to muster up.

“I want him to see it,” Fai said, in a sharp, vicious way.  “Just because he doesn’t care for you doesn’t mean no one does, and I want him to _see_ it.  More than that. I just made love with you and it was _good_ and I don’t want you to go.”

Fai sounded fierce and possessive, and something curled up tight in Kurogane’s gut when he heard it.  Fai was so blunt as to be cruel when he wanted to be.  He called a fuck a fuck, and making love was something else.  Fai was declaring an attachment to this guy, even if Doumeki didn’t realize.  And Kurogane found himself relaxing, instead of getting upset.  He scooted a little closer and curved himself around Doumeki.

Doumeki shifted restlessly, but he didn’t try to get up.  His skin felt hot and sticky with dried sweat.  He was curling his shoulders away from Kurogane, trying to bunch himself up between him and Fai, embarrassed or ashamed or something.  Kurogane slid his arm around Doumeki, just below Fai’s arm.  His nose was brushing Doumeki’s short-cropped hair, which smelled like dusty old books and sweat.  It wasn’t a bad smell.  He sighed and let himself relax toward sleep.

Doumeki’s shoulders shuddered.  Kurogane’s eyes had been drifting closed, but now they popped open again.  He lifted his head just a bit so he could try to look at Doumeki’s face.  Fai was reaching out his hand and cupping Doumeki’s cheek, looking pained.

“You don’t understand,” Doumeki’s voice rasped.  He wasn’t crying.  Because he was desperately holding it in.  “You don’t know how easy it is for him to hate me.  I can’t give him a reason.  If he hated me enough, he’d kick me out and then—I don’t know what would happen if I wasn’t here.  You don’t . . .”

“Do you really want to go back to your room?” Fai asked soberly.  “If that’s what you really want, we’ll let you go.”

In the long silence, Kurogane’s arm tightened around him, involuntary at first, but he didn’t loose him after he had a moment to think.  Doumeki deserved something like this, he deserved someone who touched him and wanted to share a bed with him, and if Watanuki couldn’t figure that out, then fuck him.  If this was enough to make him send Doumeki from him, then he could fucking well figure out how to survive without him.  He had other friends, didn’t he?

“No,” Doumeki sighed.  “I don’t _want_ to.  This is . . .”

He didn’t have the words for it, which wasn’t that surprising.  Kurogane didn’t either.  It wasn’t half-bad, though.

“But I have to go anyway.”

“No,” Kurogane answered, and laid his head back down and nudged his nose back into Doumeki’s hair.  “You don’t.”

Doumeki sighed again.  The silence stretched on and on, heavy and complicated, until Doumeki’s breathing went deep and even.  He’d fallen asleep.  He still hadn’t relaxed all the way.  Even in sleep, his body was strung tight.  Fai silently shifted himself closer.  He wove his fingers through Kurogane’s, and the two of them rested their joined hands on Doumeki’s hip.

They lay awake deep into the night, not speaking, just looking each other in the eye past the question that slept between them.

“This might have been a mistake,” Fai whispered, his eyes wide and pained.

Kurogane’s grunt in return was amused.  He couldn’t help it.  He really could not find any regret lingering in the corners of his mind.  This new thing didn’t take away anything from between himself and Fai, and so he wasn’t worried.  But maybe it was only just now coming to Fai that the two of them had invited a third person into their bed and there was something inherently weird about that.

But Fai’s hand was stroking through Doumeki’s hair again, soft and possessive.  “How is he supposed to go back to normal after this?”

Fai wasn’t worried about the two of them.  He was just worried about Doumeki.  That made more sense.

Kurogane thought over Fai’s words, and that was when a sharp, nauseating regret pinched tight inside him.  Yes, Watanuki really did need to have his face rubbed in the fact that someone else appreciated the man he so carelessly abused.  But what was it going to do to Doumeki?  Later?  When Watanuki still didn’t love him and when Doumeki was still alone?  Giving him this memory of them, of their appreciation of him . . . Wasn’t it just going to make the bars of the cage feel unbearably tight?

 

* * *

 

 

“Hey, guys?” Syaoran called out, knocking on the door.

Kurogane grunted, startling awake at the sound.  Fai’s eyes were already open and looking at him, caught somewhere between amusement and anticipation.  He was draped over Doumeki, somehow, even though Kurogane had wound up on his own over at the edge of the bed.

“Sorry.  Watanuki’s asking if Doumeki went back to his place last night, because he’s not in his room.  Last place anyone saw him was talking with Kurogane on the porch.”

Doumeki was awake, too.  He looked back and forth between the two of them, and something in his face retreated.  He looked much more like the man he’d been yesterday.  In this bed, in the middle of the night, he could afford to be open, wounded, and young.  But now he was getting up, stepping over Fai, and here in the daylight he was shuttered again.

“H-hey,” Kurogane said, his voice rough with sleep.  His hand brushed over Doumeki’s bare leg as he stepped away.

Doumeki put his underwear on, and drew on his shirt, though he didn’t bother buttoning it.  He went to the door and opened it.

“I’m in here,” he said, unnecessarily.

Syaoran stared at him in complete shock.  He took in the state of undress, and his eyes flicked behind to see Fai and Kurogane still sprawled out sleepily beneath the blankets and clearly not wearing anything at all.  In Kurogane’s mind, walking in on three almost-decently-covered people had to be better than the time Syaoran had accidentally walked in on him and Fai right in the middle of something, but you wouldn’t think so by the panicked, horrified look the kid was wearing.

“You’re not _serious,_ ” Syaoran said slowly.

“Yeah we are,” Kurogane grunted, sitting up and resigning himself to the idea that he did not get to lay around in bed with the other two men before getting up to face whatever was waiting for them.

Syaoran simply left them there and walked away, gesturing helplessly with one hand.  Kurogane went over to retrieve his clothes, and thinking that they might have wanted to take Syaoran’s opinion into account.  Syaoran was connected to Watanuki in a way that was impossible to break, and it hadn’t occurred to Kurogane until now that Syaoran might take Watanuki’s side in this.  Syaoran didn’t get himself involved in Fai and Kurogane’s relationship but this went rather far beyond that.

Watanuki wandered down the hall next, looking harried.  “Syaoran?  What did they say?  If that idiot—” His voice cut off.  Kurogane was still getting dressed and couldn’t see Watanuki from where he stood, but presumably Fai could because Fai was tight with tension.  He had wrapped a blanket around himself in lieu of clothing.

“Oh.”

The sound was breathless, the soft, ugly noise you made when someone punched you in the gut.  Doumeki didn’t move, splayed out in the doorway looking debauched and wearing an odd little smirk.

“What are you _doing_?” Watanuki choked.

Fai stepped up behind Doumeki, wearing nothing but a blanket and a chilly smile.

“I’m starting a harem of attractive young men,” he said, his voice giving away nothing at all.  “I prefer them outrageously brave and intelligent.  Let me know if you’ve got any more who are as wonderful as this one.”

Doumeki seemed trapped between the two of them, with his body unconsciously gravitating toward Fai but his eyes locked on Watanuki.  He was so completely silent that Kurogane wondered if he was even breathing.

“You—all three of you— that is not okay!” Watanuki said shrilly.  “You can’t— oh my god you’re all insane!  That is so wrong!  You can’t do that in my _house_!”

Doumeki closed his eyes and sighed deeply.

“I always knew you were a pervert, but _seriously_ , Doumeki, what were you _thinking_?”

Kurogane, fully dressed, had joined them in the doorway.  Doumeki wasn’t saying anything in his own defense—and why should he have to?  _Fuck_ this stupid kid.  He _was_ just a kid, a selfish child who always blamed other people and ran off at the mouth.  Hadn’t Doumeki ever just punched this idiot and told him to shut up?

“Ha, like you were thinking!  When do you ever think?  Do you even know how weird this is?”

Doumeki was strung tight with misery, shoulders hunched up.  No, of course he hadn’t ever done that.  He didn’t do violence.  He didn’t correct Watanuki at all.  He loved Watanuki and hated fighting, so he let Watanuki’s changeable temper dictate everything.

But then he leaned back, pressing himself against Fai.  Kurogane was further off to one side, but Doumeki reached for him and got a handful of his shirtsleeve.  He was pathetically incapable of standing up for himself, so he was all but begging them to do it for him.  Kurogane didn’t like doing stuff like that.  He’d rather see people take their fate into their own hands and confront their own problems.  But as Doumeki was now, this was the best he could do.  As long as he kept moving forward from here, Kurogane didn’t mind helping out.

“Shut. The fuck. Up.”

Watanuki paused, staring at Kurogane looming as large as he could behind the other two.

“What _exactly_ does this have to do with you?” he demanded.

Watanuki’s mouth gaped open and closed like a fish.

“He is perfectly free to be with whomever he chooses,” Fai added, his voice still cold.  “Unless you know of someone else with a claim on him?”  His hands were possessive on the man in question.

Watanuki was stricken at that.

“We need to get dressed,” Fai said dismissively.  “We’ll be out in a few minutes.”  He pulled Doumeki back and shut the door firmly in Watanuki’s face.

He went automatically back to the clothes and started to sort them to separate his own from Fai’s.  He handed Fai’s over to him wordlessly, rapidly doing up his buttons and pulling on his slacks.  His face was pinched shut, his whole self was locked up tight . . .

“Whatever you’re thinking, don’t,” Kurogane said abruptly into the strained silence.  He stepped close and put his hand to the small of Doumeki’s back, holding him in place for a kiss.  He got no response, but instead of letting go he drew him closer.  He didn’t try to kiss him again, he just held him there with one hand on his back and the other slowly sliding up his spine.  When his hand touched the back of Doumeki’s neck, the smaller man let his head tip forward to rest on Kurogane’s chest.

“It’s not as bad as all that,” Fai said soothingly.  He was dressed now, and he came forward to shelter Doumeki from the other side.  The two of them had the man sandwiched firmly between them, and some of the tension was going out of him the longer they stood there like that.  “He’s more embarrassed than anything, I think.  He’ll get over it.  And it can only be a good thing for him to understand that you’re just as human as he is.”

Doumeki’s head shook negatively against Kurogane’s chest.  “I wouldn’t be too sure about that,” he muttered.

The solution to all this was rapidly becoming clear, or maybe it had already been pretty obvious last night.  Kurogane didn’t want to be the one to speak it.  It ought to be Fai.

“I know how much you care,” Fai said, slow, almost hesitant.  “I know how much you worry.  But you _do_ understand that he could survive without you?  You protect him better than anyone else does, but he could, if he had to.”

Doumeki went stiff and tense.  “Stop it.”

“I know you want to be here.  But you don’t _have_ to be.”

“Don’t,” Doumeki said sharply.  But Fai just pressed himself closer, his hand in Doumeki’s hair and his lips only a few inches from his ear.

“Last night was between the three of us, and I for one do not feel an ounce of guilt or shame about it.  If all he’s going to do is try to make you feel that way, and not learn anything about you from it . . . Then don’t let him.  You don’t have to hear any of it if you—”

“Shut _up_ ,” Doumeki growled, but his face was pressing hard into Kurogane’s chest and his hands were clinging to his shirt.

“Leave him.”

Doumeki stopped moving, stopped speaking, stopped breathing.

“We’ll have to leave here soon, and I don’t know if I can stand the thought of you being here without us and just letting him hurt you over and over again,” Fai whispered, his voice ragged.  “You’re better than that.  Leave him.”

“I can’t.”

“Maybe not forever.  Maybe he’ll change someday.  Maybe you can come back.  But it’s not doing either of you any good right now to stay.  It’s not, and you know it.”

“I don’t get it,” Doumeki said, dull and listless.

“What do you mean?”

“I do everything I can for him, and he doesn’t even care.  You’ve been here for two days and you don’t even know me and you care more than he does.  I don’t get it. Why does it _matter_ to you what happens to me?  Why do either of you even care?”

“I knew I was going to like you before I even met you,” Fai answered with a soft smile.  “Kurogane was looking forward to it, you know.  We’ve heard so much about you.  We expected you to be wonderful.  We just didn’t expect you to need us so much.  I guess the answer is because you deserve to be cared about.  You’re worth loving, Shizuka.  It’s not hard to do.”

That was a gamble, using his name like that.  Kurogane held his breath.

“It isn’t?” he asked, sounding bewildered.

Fai met Kurogane’s eyes with a plea for help.  Kurogane slid a hand free so he could lift Doumeki’s face up to look at him.

“Not for us,” he said calmly.

Then they walked out together, all three of them, going down the hall in search of the others.  Better not put the rest of the confrontation off any longer. They found both Syaoran and Watanuki in the kitchen.  The little demon girls were strangely absent, and both of the Mokonas were sitting on the counter in eerie silence.  Syaoran was nervously, silently chopping something on a cutting board.  Watanuki was apparently beating breakfast into submission, muttering under his breath.

“Hi,” Syaoran said awkwardly when he noticed them.

Watanuki spun around.  He looked less disgusted and angry now, more just purely distressed.  His face was bewildered, his eyes shone over-bright with tears.  He looked right at Doumeki, and he went still.  His hand crept up and covered one of his eyes, the brown eye.  Kurogane was abruptly reminded that Doumeki had given Watanuki more than just his heart.

“I just don’t understand,” he said softly.  “I thought you . . .”

“Yeah,” Doumeki muttered.  “I do.”

“But you—” He couldn’t meet either Fai or Kurogane’s eyes, so he just looked at them flickeringly and then turned beet red and stared a desperate hole in the floor.

“Yeah,” Doumeki said uncomfortably, shrugging his shoulders.  “It wasn’t— I didn’t mean—”  He blew out a breath and finally said what needed to be said.  “I love you,” he said abruptly.  “But I know that don’t feel that way.  I know that it bothers you, and you keep chasing me away so you don’t have to deal with it.  But they wanted to talk about it, and I was tired of keeping it all to myself.  They wanted me and I was tired of not being wanted.”

Watanuki’s tears slipped out of his eyes, and he put a hand on the kitchen counter to steady himself.

“I don’t know what we do after this,” Doumeki said quietly.  “Things aren’t going to be the same.  So you have to tell me. What you want.  If you want me to leave.  For—for a while.  Kohane could . . . What do you _want_?”

Watanuki swallowed thickly.  He closed his eyes.  “I . . . I want—”

“No,” Kurogane cut in, too quickly, making his desperation too obvious.  “Don’t say anything.”

Watanuki mustered up the anger to glare at him.

“It doesn’t matter, don’t you get it?” Kurogane growled, cutting the air with sharp hand gestures.  “It doesn’t matter what you say right now, because no matter what it is, it’s just going to hurt him more than you already have.”

Watanuki covered his mouth with his hand, more tears spilling out.

“If you tell him to stay, he will.  And then he’ll be stuck here knowing you’re too damn selfish to let him go even though you know it’s hurting him.  And if you tell him to go, he’ll probably stay anyway, because he’s ridiculously goddamn loyal, and _believe me_ , I get that.  And then he’ll be stuck here knowing beyond all doubt that you don’t want him to be.  Which one would be worse?  Tell me that.”

Watanuki looked devastated, and Doumeki’s hands were shaking.

“So he’s just going to have to go, isn’t he?” Kurogane muttered.  “He can’t stay here anymore.  Not right now.”

Watanuki, trembling, nodded.  Jerky and awful, like a marionette.  He turned around and went back to making breakfast without a word.

Well.  One word.  It shattered as it came out.  “Where—?”

Fai was looking at Syaoran, and Kurogane knew why.  Syaoran was looking back in dawning understanding, and he looked horrified, already shaking his head.

“It’s your journey, Syaoran,” Fai said gently.  “We’re traveling with you because you invited us.  I wouldn’t feel right about it unless you said it was okay.”

“No!” Syaoran said, his voice cracking like a whip.  He was angry, scowling, clenching his fists.  “Don’t you get it?  I care about all of you, you’re all friends of mine!  You can’t ask me to be the one to make a decision that is going to leave at least one of you in pain.  This isn’t my decision to make, not this time.  If my opinion matters so much, you should have asked me last night!”

Fai looked stricken.  The kid had a point, though.  They were the ones who’d stormed in and basically made the situation too bad to be solved by talking, taking it beyond questions of betrayal or forgiveness.  In their defense, nobody had been thinking that it would end up here.  Not with _this_ decision.

But it made so much sense.  They wouldn’t have thought of it out of the blue, but as a solution to this problem, it worked.  Doumeki would be an invaluable help, in the countless libraries with Syaoran and the innumerable battles they always seemed to get sucked into.  He and Watanuki could spend some time apart thinking about what they wanted, and eventually Mokona would have to bring them back here, and both of those two would be wiser and stronger if they were lucky.

It was probably really not the right time to be wondering how often Doumeki might end up in bed with them, and probably completely depraved to be hoping for “frequently.”

“He’ll come with us,” Kurogane said decisively.  “For a while.”

Syaoran just nodded, accepting it.  He went back to work on whatever task Watanuki had set him, and Doumeki stirred himself to go to the cupboard and retrieve some dishes to set the table.  Their breakfast was completely silent when they all sat down together, and Kurogane realized he hadn’t felt a silence this thick and painful since Infinity.  He and Doumeki seemed to be the only two who were really eating at all, although Fai told Watanuki with sincerity that he was a great cook and it was delicious.  That break in the silence caused Watanuki to mutter his thanks and suddenly get up and leave.  Syaoran wavered for a minute, then followed him.

When it was just the three of them, some of the tension dissipated, although the silence continued.  Now it was just depressing.

“Hey,” Kurogane said, looking at Doumeki and feeling himself start to grin, that one that Fai said made him look like a shark.  “It’s not that bad.  Definitely not boring.”

“We do have fun,” Fai laughed.  “Nothing like running for your life to keep yourself feeling young.”

“Some of us _are_ young,” Kurogane smirked.

“No old man jokes this morning.  I beg you.”

Doumeki’s eyes went back and forth between them as they carried on, and a small smile stole onto his lips. He didn’t try to join in, content to sit quiet and just listen to them trade barbs.  Syaoran usually started looking fretful when they did this in front of him, like he was worried they meant it or something.  _Please_.  It was pretty easy to tell when Fai and Kurogane were _actually_ fighting.  There was punching involved.  Doumeki seemed to have figured that out, just munching on his breakfast and looking amused.

Fai abruptly leaned over and dropped a kiss on Doumeki’s cheek, smiling happily at his surprise.  “You’re cute,” he said generously.  He wiggled his eyebrows at Kurogane.  “This was a good idea.  I need a harem.  Let’s find more.”

“Over my dead body,” Kurogane said flatly.

“You’ll always be special, Big Doggie,” he said dreamily, “because you came first, but I—”

He didn’t feel like drawing his sword at the table, so he just swung at him with his mechanical arm.  That one weighed more so it was better for punching.  Fai ducked and tried to hide behind Doumeki, laughing.

“Come over here and call me a dog again, idiot” Kurogane growled.

Doumeki chuckled.  “I guess that makes you a cat,” he said, tipping his head back to address Fai.  “What am I supposed to be, the pet sitter?”

“I like alcohol better than milk, so make sure you keep a bottle for me,” Fai informed him with a grin.  “And you have to whack him on the nose with a newspaper when he misbehaves.”

“I am going to _kill_ you!” Kurogane shouted, but as soon as he rose up, he decided he was getting too old for this chasing-Fai-around shit.  He dropped back down next to Doumeki and sighed.  “Now you see why I need somebody like you around,” he said morosely.  “He’s an idiot.”

“You love me,” Fai said with assurance, snuggling up behind him and hooking his chin onto Kurogane’s shoulder.

“Tch.”

Fai opened his mouth when Kurogane picked up his chopsticks.

“I am not feeding you.  Ever.”

Doumeki shoved a bite of food into Fai’s mouth helpfully.

“Don’t encourage him,” Kurogane muttered.

Fai turned his head just slightly to kiss Kurogane’s cheek, lips sticky.  Then he turned the other way and did the same to Doumeki.  “Since when do I need to be encouraged?”  He hooked an arm around each of them and drew all three of them to lean together, sighing with contentment.  “Let’s just not move for a while.  I like this.”

It wasn’t bad, Kurogane decided, with Doumeki warm against his side and Fai’s chin digging painfully into his shoulder.  Not bad at all.

 

 

BONUS CRACKY OUTTAKE #1

Syaoran just stared down at them with a slightly curled lip.  “Really, you guys?  I do not even _know_ with you two anymore.  You promised that after I had to find you a locksmith that I would not have to deal with this stuff anymore.  You _promised_.”

“Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” Fai sing-songed happily.

“Couldn’t I have just caught you with a whip and a ball gag or something?” Syaoran snapped.  “I seriously cannot even anymore. And good _morning_ , Doumeki,” he snarled, and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him.  “Watanuki!  He’s still here!  I’m . . . going out.  To get something.  I’ll be back . . . later.”

 

BONUS CRACKY OUTTAKE #2

“Got my boys, got my breakfast, this morning can’t get any better,” Fai said cheerfully before taking a large bite off Doumeki’s chopsticks and spilled bouncing grains of rice down Kurogane’s shirt.

Kurogane glared, stabbing at his plate.  “We are not your boys.”

“Yeah, we are,” Doumeki said placidly, sipping a cup of coffee.

Fai’s eyes were sparkling with happiness.

“Yeah,” Kurogane sighed, giving up.  “We are.”

 

 


End file.
